The witch hid in the bushes, eyes narrowed, watching the house closely.
Any minute now, she thought. She waited breathlessly for the result of 5 weeks’ worth of hard study.
It was a clear moonlit night. She gazed into the yard and squinted. Shadows of the porch beams crossed the grass, slanting across the yard. A dog barked off in the distance somewhere.
Her eyes fixated on a single window in the house – the laundry room window. She glanced down at her wristwatch and sighed.
In the past, she could only destroy vehicle tires. Out of boredom and frustration, one day she obtained a few new spell books and put all her mental energy into learning 2 additional spells.
The intricacies of one spell can take 6 months to master. But the Witch was smart.
She studied, re-reading the same instructions, doing math, brainstorming a shortcut until finally she formulated a faster way to execute the spell.
There are risks, of course. Taking a shortcut on spell instructions can result in disaster. There is only one way to determine if a shortcut version will result in perfection or total chaos: perform the spell.
There is no dress rehearsal here.
A new spell requires such enormous energy expenditure that there’s no way to test this out in your own home.
Unless you want to waste all your spell power on a mere test.
She stood in the bushes, checking her watch, closing her eyes, repeating the mantra silently and peeking through the laundry room window of the house.
Finally, she noticed a light in the laundry room window. The light grew bigger with each passing second. Ah yes, there it is. Fire!
The fire’s glow expanded, starting small then rising higher until she could see visible flames and smoke pouring out the window.
“Yes!” she thought.
She watched for a moment, then frowned suddenly. “Oh shit, I’ve got to contain this flame so that I don’t catch the whole damn house on fire!”
She closed her eyes tight and repeated a counter-spell mantra. She opened her eyes again. The fire died down.
A smoke alarm began beeping loudly.
She moved back further into the bushes and squatted down. She popped up and peered into the window again.
She saw a woman open the door to the laundry room and scream.
A male rushed to the woman’s side and yelled, “What the fuck, Marcie!?”
Marcie yelled back, “I don’t know! Go get the fire extinguisher!”
The male left quickly and returned with a fire extinguisher. He leaped into action and sprayed the entire laundry room down.
The couple surveyed the damage. The entire storage area of the laundry room was burned out; linoleum melted, upper cabinets singed, but most distressing: there wasn’t a single roll of toilet paper left.
“We lost the toilet paper!” Marcie yelled.
“What the fuck, Marcie?” the male yelled, “How did this happen?”
“I don’t know!” Marcie cried in distress.
The witch chuckled.
Against her better judgment, she decided to enact the power of VoiceOver.
She spoke, and her voice filled the laundry room.
“Hello, toilet paper hoarders. Now your stash is gone. Let this be a lesson.”
The couple looked up to the ceiling and around the laundry room in confusion, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from.
In a moment of impulse, Marcie’s fear was overshadowed by rage.
“But, but how will we wipe our asses!?” she yelled angrily.
“I don’t know,” the witch replied, “But maybe you should have thought about all the other families who can’t wipe their asses now because you decided to buy up the entire remaining Costco supply.”
Marcie sank to the floor, tears streaming down her face. With a husband and 3 children, how in the world could she and her family possibly hope to ever wipe their asses again?
“Cheer up,” said the witch, “You can revisit the supermarket and observe the new rule where you only take one package at a time. They must do this now, because of people like you. In the meantime, well, you can always jump in the shower and rinse off.”
Marcie crumbled into her husband’s arms and covered her face, yelling, “Be gone, evil spirit!”
“Well”, the Witch thought, “I guess that’s my cue to leave. My work here is done.”
Read Part III –The Witch Returns
If you enjoyed this, check out episode 1: Revenge of The Tire Witch.