The Interview

Last summer a great blogger gave me tons of advice about blog growth.

The first thing she said to me was, “You need to populate your About page”.

She noted that my About Page is merely an index of my blog posts arranged for easy access.

Well, I recently updated my About Page. However, all I did was add photos and more links.  Ha! I can’t hack it.  The fact is – I’m terrified to do a proper About page.

I feel more comfortable letting my content speak for itself.  I am shy!

Some of my posts are colorful, and trust me – the alter ego who sweeps through those posts is much more interesting than I am. My life is pretty boring right now.

However, I’m always down for a challenge – so I have an idea.

We will work toward this whole real “about page” by conducting an interview.


Q:  What is your name?

A:  My name is Melissa ZeroSpace Pumpkin.

Q:  Is that your real name?

A:  Only the Melissa part.

Q:  Why do you blog?

A:  I blog because I am a born entertainer. In the past I’ve crawled on this blog during mental health crisis and while drunk. People still liked those posts.

Q:  How do you think you’re entertaining?

A:  I tend to encompass Action Flow. When I perform well, anyway.  I’m not saying I always perform well. Sometimes I just wank off aimlessly. But you’ll know when you’ve harnessed the Action Flow. You can feel it.

Q:  What do you mean by “Action Flow”?

A:  I mean when the writing has thrust driving it forward. You know, like a car engine or a good shag. The writers I admire have Action Flow. I’m also a notorious rock n roller.  Rock music has Action Flow.

Q:  How does this “Action Flow”, as you call it, come across?

A:  I tend to imbue the Flow with drama and a dark underbelly when moody, or with light and universal connection when I’m feeling inspired.

Q:  Well, my goodness – aren’t we pretentious?  You sound like Jim Morrison!  For real – Do you need a joint and a few topless women to continue this interview?

A:  Damn, you’re a bitch!  Little miss Terry Gross wannabe over there! And hey, that’s not a real question!

Q:  Fair enough. Who are your writing influences?

A:  Lester Bangs, Hunter S. Thompson, Thomas Wolfe, Jack Kerouac. I also love classic literature and I’m obsessed with George Eliot. For years I inhaled articles from the comedy website More than anything else, Cracked taught me how to write for an internet audience.

Q:  What are you reading right now?

A:  Matthew F. Jones; A Single Shot. I just read Deepwater by the same guy and I really enjoyed it. I am enjoying the Country Noir genre. I don’t read as much as I should for somebody who likes writing.

Q:  What is your day job?

A:  Human Resources. I’m a recruiter.

Q:  Do you like being in HR?

A:  That’s a loaded question. HR is the best thing that happened in my life because it forced me to grow up during a time when I really needed to grow up. But now I’m starting to outgrow the field. I don’t want to become an old stuffy HR Toad stuck in my ways.

Q:  How did it force you to grow up?

A:  Even at the HR Assistant level, you have to serve as a model of good behavior for employees and demonstrate ethics. There’s a sense of prestige, kind of like legal jobs, and it forces one to align their conduct to the HR culture in order to maintain a career.  I had a rocky start growing up – when I look back, getting into HR was the first step in learning to control myself and set boundaries with other people. This growth kind of happened slowly over time, but it definitely happened.

Q:  What is your spirit animal?

A:  A squirrel.

Q:  For real?

A:  Yes, for real. What the fuck, lady? You gonna judge my spirit animal? I mean, sometimes I connect more with a sloth or an ostrich, but I think squirrel fits the shoe tonight.

Q:  Why don’t you ever write about social causes / politics?

A:  I’m not the kind of person to get wrapped up in political stuff within my writing.  I hate too much analysis, and political writing will entail analysis. I think all writing is analytical by nature (except poetry) but I like to balance analysis with creative spark.  When you have wild creative spark with less analysis, I think it’s better.

Q:  So, why not write poetry and do away with analysis all together?

A:  Because although I hate it, I cannot escape analysis. There’s a little journalistic bent over here. It drives me nuts.

Q:  Why did you stop writing in-depth features about music and bands?

A:  It requires a lot of work. You go into a creative zone, like a sealed tank or a glass globe where you obsess about this band for several days. Some of those posts required 8 hours of writing, 3 hours of editing. Most people who blog don’t care about the music I like. The work was not worth it. So, I just stopped.

Q:  What are your writing plans?

A:  I hate to even go over that. I’ll lay out all these grand plans and ideas, but then I’ll never follow up on them. Like Billy Corgan!

Q:  More casual comedy stuff in the works?

A:  Not that I have planned. I’m not feeling very funny lately. The humorist stuff is really spontaneous and cannot be predicted.

Q:  Many of your followers have mental health challenges like yourself. What’s your health-related advice for people?

A:  Enforce discipline regarding sleep – no matter what the cost.  Get a routine down and use willpower. I’m working on that myself.  Although I’m doing a shitty job tonight! I feel like the road to mental healing is paved with sleep and… you cannot get around that road. There it is, staring you in the face. You must sleep well consistently. It’s hard though. A night of bad sleep here and there is fine, but most nights people need to sleep well consistently to be well.

Q:  Well, it’s been a pleasure. Thank you so much for being here even though I’m you.

A:  Yes, well, thanks for having me even though I’m you. Clearly, you listen to Terry Gross every day and you’ve learned a few things about interviewing.  ~~radiostatic~~

~~~Okay everybody, that’s Melissa ZeroSpace Pumpkin. She just revamped her blog and is working on marketing tactics behind the scenes to try and connect the ZeroSpace forum with more readers. Who knows how long that will last though, because it requires a great deal of work and she’s already over it.~~~


Heh heh heh heh

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Be well and have a happy new year.

View all ZeroSpace articles here.


9 thoughts on “The Interview

    1. Thank you so much! I rarely get comments – you have no idea how thrilling this is for me. Haha! I really enjoyed your post “How I Survived” recently. I like your casual writing style and I could relate to the content of that post. Thanks for reading and following!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: About! | ZeroSpace

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