Golden Abyss Redux

I took this down a couple days after posting it… because it was too real.

But the thing is good in it’s own way.

So, I’m reposting it with some modification.

The Golden Abyss

Iron and metallic forces merge within the earth’s deep core, and from the chaos and friction of reality below our feet, we arrive at the birth of life above the crust.

Seasons pass, green leaves sprout, winter crawls over the land in fierce winds and crystalline snowfalls, and we take for granted the chaos erupting continually below the realm we know – the vast landscapes we stare at in awe while we stand firmly on land, or the fixed scenes we gaze upon in photographs displayed on our screens taken by people trekking across mountains and deserts and prairies over endless trails brought to you by the Bing browser each morning while you log in for another day at your office job.

The Wave

I felt the old wave of anxiety washing over and cringed.

Suddenly, I stopped the nightmare blind in its tracks with cold determination and reversed the tidal wave.

I enforced deep breathing and decided to take a bath, get on with my night, and make the best of it.

I was robbed of sleep last night due to nerves about today’s appointment.  It was a rough day.  I decided I’m not having this.

I took a hot bath, then stood up and took an ice-cold shower and decided that I am the queen of the world.  I told the universe to fuck off.

Earth, Stone and Fire

And so I took a cold shower and reflected on my day, feeling once again that I only have myself in a world where “professionals” can’t get through; they can’t penetrate my own magma core of sloshing lava, rude metallic awakenings and isolated eruptions beneath the flowery, seasonal surface of my green earth’s human body and all my controlled pleasantries; my self-directedness and my HR job and my intelligence like the many-veined leaves of spring and my determined course of soul; frozen winter rivers and timely ocean tides.

Toss Those Fucking Pills

What a moment of Empowerment tonight!  I rummaged through my nightstand and grabbed up every fucking bottle of psychiatric pill – Lexapro, Gabapentin, and some other shit for sleeping that I never took, and I dumped them all into the garbage.  It felt unimaginably good.  Fuck this, we’ve got a new plan.

That moment of dumping the pills is indescribable!  The ring of freedom.  The delicate, heavenly bell tones of the sky.  The musical passages of new possibility.

Rising

I put on my green SP shirt, my Brothel Creeper shoes, and my grey dress pants and I head out to pick up cleaning products feeling empowered and ready for everything. It was between this and going to bed, and I’ve made my choice.

We will shop for cleaning products because the moment is Now for shopping, and then we will blog, and tomorrow is another day. I’ll make up for last night’s 4 hours of sleep and we mustn’t worry about the food issue because I’ve discovered that you really don’t need all that much food to get by.

The Shining Path

The Golden Abyss.  The shining path.  The new day.  The birth of grim hope.  The renewed faith of sound and perspective. The moonlight shadows of gentle introspection.

The eternal night owl’s wooo whoot, and the longing for clinking silverware and jaded waitresses in late night diners across America everywhere.

Give me a Denny’s at 1:00 a.m. and someday I’ll get back to those greasy spoon fried eggs & potatoes, 3 strips of fat bacon eaten with unrestrained relish, and I’ll enjoy drunken company from the wastelands of nowhere fast, my grungy punk rock peers, my fellow aging rockers and we’ll be brothers and sisters in outcast life, and everything will be okay again.

Fuck you, bagpipes

And now, why would I want to sleep?  But it’s time.  I want to soar above the powerlines and grab up all their electricity with my two hands. I want to steal the cracked pavement cityscape from Jeff Buckley’s beautiful voice and give new life to the bagpipe drones of Ireland.  Take that, you fuckers.  Have some electricity with that droning bullshit!   But I’ll fly into your pubs first, and then I’ll visit your ancient stone churches and pray.

If you liked this, you might also like Music Under The Moon

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7 thoughts on “Golden Abyss Redux

  1. it’s a good thing you told me you took this down after posting it because I felt some serious dejavu in reading.

    How you been hanging in there lately? Are you doing okay? If you need anyone to talk to you can email me if you like.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Vee, I’m still dealing with anxiety but I’m getting used to it and dealing with it better. Mostly by accepting it. Today I had an attack unexpectedly, so I took a bath, rubbed on some lavendar and drank chamomile tea. It worked and now I’m fine. I stopped drinking so that’s good. Just kind of getting used to it, you know how it goes. I appreciate your e-mail offer I may do that some time. I hope you’re well too :).

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! 🙂 I delete stuff that is too dark or pained at times. Like a mild psychotic episode, for instance. I’m working on not doing that (deleting). Thanks for reading!

      Like

  2. I’ve pulled stuff back that felt too real before.
    This actually feels awesome. Exquisitely written.
    Actually, looking for a rockier, more magma-fuelled word than exquisitely, but you get the idea.

    Like

  3. Pingback: About! | ZeroSpace

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